For Bed Partners
Information for partners of CPAP users…
A diagnosis of sleep apnea can be a life changing experience. Being told that you have a condition that has long term health consequences can be confronting, as can the CPAP therapy that is prescribed for treatment.
The role of the partner in this experience is crucial. So this page is for partners, who also face a period of adjustment as this therapy enters your life.
Your level of understanding and support can be the cornerstone of success, so it is important to be aware of what your partner is going through and how you can support each other through the challenges ahead.
For an overview of the condition, please look at our About Sleep Apnea page.
What just happened?
You may well have asked yourself this question recently. Often it is the partner of a sleep apnea patient who first raises concerns that something is not right and encourages a partner to see a doctor. Loud snoring, periods of not breathing and gasping breaths during sleep are pretty common symptoms. So is daytime sleepiness, irritability, and even difficulty processing information and memory lapses.
Maybe you put this down to ageing or stress, or something else at first. But eventually, you had to say something. And now you wonder if it was worth it….
The sleep apnea patient is facing a confronting situation. They have just been told that they need to be connected up to a machine every night. A very basic fear that many people have is suffering an injury and being kept alive on life support. Medically, CPAP is very different from this, but in the mind of the newly diagnosed sleep apnea patient, CPAP can be a little too close to life support for comfort.
A significant number of newly diagnosed sleep apnea patients refuse the treatment without trying it; the concept is just too confronting. Many more don’t try it for long enough to see benefits before abandoning it. You can assist in the uptake of CPAP therapy by being supportive and encouraging.
If sleep apnea continues untreated, the symptoms will generally get worse and long term health consequences will almost inevitably follow. Unless and until an alternative treatment becomes available, CPAP is the best option for avoiding the poor outcomes of sleep apnea. Accepting the treatment and making a commitment to sticking with it is critical for good long term outcomes.
Now that there is a diagnosis of sleep apnea, it cannot be swept under the carpet and ignored. Sure, there are new things to adjust to and new frustrations to expect as the treatment routine gets established. But there is also comfort in the knowledge that your partner is being treated and that long term health consequences may now be avoided. There is certainly light at the end of the tunnel.
What changes should I expect?
The first thing you will notice is that there is a new machine in the bedroom. It makes noise, not much noise really, but any noise can take some getting used to in the dead of night. There will also be some groans of frustration and restlessness as your partner gets used to wearing a mask in bed each night.
CPAP can be an experiment for each individual. Some people adjust quickly and find the right combination of equipment straight away, but for many CPAP involves a period trial and error. This is very normal and it is important to stay the course and take the time to find the right combination and routine. There is much to learn and your help and support at this stage is important.
In time you will start to see the positive results of the therapy. Once your partner gets more familiar with the equipment and starts having good long nights of therapy, you should see the original symptoms decrease. Your partner should begin to have more energy, but be aware that daytime sleepiness does take some time to readjust.
What will help to make CPAP successful?
This is a difficult question to answer absolutely for all sleep apnea patients. The following list of seven key habits might be a good guide for you:
Dr Steven Park’s 7 Habits of Successful Sleep Apnea Patients:
- They take responsibility for their own health and don’t rely solely on their doctor
- They are willing to pay for the treatment they believe in
- They take action
- They do everything possible to breathe well through their nose
- They set aside time for regular exercise and relaxation
- They join a group with other sleep apnea sufferers
- They accept sleep apnea rather than fight it
(Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Steven_Park)
How can I help?
Pretty simple, really: be supportive. Get to know and show an interest in the equipment, ask for feedback on how it’s going and make suggestions. One of the biggest fears of a new user is that the CPAP machine and mask will alter the way their partner looks at them. It’s not a sexy or attractive arrangement, but your acceptance of it will ease their concern.
Focus on the other positive things you can do to be supportive. Just about all sleep doctors will advise some lifestyle changes to help with the therapy – more exercise, better diet, etc. Do what you can to do this together. Relationships are often strengthened by facing adversity and finding solutions together. This could be a catalyst to make changes in the right direction.
The one thing that will not help is being negative. Punishment and negative feedback is not a good strategy in encouraging your partner in long term compliance with CPAP. This could be a challenge at times as you will certainly feel some frustration too, but try to stay positive and work with your partner.
That said, you need to be honest about your experience with CPAP too. You’re both in the bed together, and the goals should be for CPAP not to make any more changes to your lives than is absolutely necessary. Noise and leaks that disturb you all night long can take their toll on you over time. But try to stay positive and work on solution together.
What about my sleep?
Good question. There is a body of research which measures the impact on the bed partners of sleep apnea sufferers. Most of it shows that the level of disturbance you experience before the diagnosis (snoring, choking/gasping breathes, breathing pauses, restlessness) is reduced when CPAP starts.
But CPAP also brings its own new disturbances into the bed: airflow from the mask exhaust, the new “white noise” of the machine, waking up when the mask is dislodged, etc. These should not be glossed over – little irritations can consume countless hours during the night, but seem small again in the light of day. Solutions really do need to be found so that you can sleep properly to help you to remain positive about the treatment and your partner. Everyone needs their sleep!
New CPAP machines are whisper quiet, and usually the newer the machine the quieter it is.
Masks can be the source of much frustration for all concerned. Standard masks all have directional exhaust which creates airflow in the bed – which may mean an end to cuddling with your partner through the night. It may also mean an end to your partner sleeping in certain positions where the exhaust air flow hits you in the face or goes down your back.
Give Yourselves the Best Chance of Success
Long term benefits will only come with long term use of CPAP. To give your partner and yourself the best chance of succeeding with CPAP, you should not rest (no pun intended) until you find solutions to the problems that will come as you both adapt to CPAP.
Develop a good relationship with your doctor and CPAP equipment supplier. They really have seen it all before and are your primary support with CPAP. The internet is a great place to find other people who are facing the same issues and advice is there if you need it.
The mask is the site of most of the problems with CPAP – noise, airflow, leaks, discomfort, etc. Getting this right will set you up for success. We believe that the TrueFIT™ Custom Mask is the perfect solution to the problems which other masks present, and give the sleep apnea patient and their partner the best chance of good outcomes from CPAP.
For more information, please see our TrueFIT™ Custom Mask page.
And Finally….
Good luck! The road ahead will have a few bumps. Like all challenges in life, a good positive attitude will help. Do your best and be supportive.
Working together, you can truly find sleep.energy.life.
Further reading and more resources can be found on our Links and resources page.